How to Simulate Submarine Life
in your own Home
1. Obtain a dumpster. Paint it black, weld all the covers shut except one which can be bolted closed from the inside. Hitch it to the back of your wife's mini van. Gather 12 friends and bolt yourselves inside and let your wife pull it around for several weeks while she does the errands.
2. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain. shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack".
3. Don't eat any food that you don't get out of a can or have to add water to.
4. Paint all the windows on your car black. Drive around town at high speeds with your wife standing up in the sunroof shouting course and speed directions to you.
5. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.
6. Repeat back everything anyone says to you.
7. Sit in your car for six hours a day with your hands on the wheel and the motor running, but don't go anywhere.
8. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High".
9. Don't watch T.V. except movies in the middle of the night. Also, have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. Record The Sound of Music and show it at least every other night.
10. Don't do your wash at home. Gather your neighbors clothes along with yours, pick the most crowded laundromat you can find, and do the neighborhood laundry in a single washer and dryer. Make sure that 12% of the laundry is lost and 20% of the finished laundry is incorrectly distributed to the wrong neighbor.
11. Leave lawnmower running in your living room six hours a day for proper noise level. (For Engineering Divisions)
12. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
13. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.
14. Sleep with your dirty laundry.